I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
