God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
