I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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