I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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