May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
