why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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