Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
