It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize