i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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