he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
