I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
