I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
