Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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