It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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