you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
