I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
