there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
