K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
