Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
