My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
