my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
