Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
