Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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