planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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