he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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