Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
