so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
