guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
