You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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