i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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