why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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