you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
