I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
worst night to have a conscience
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
