when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
