No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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