I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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