you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
