he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
