I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
