Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
