hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im holly from the hills drunk
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
