where am i from again
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
