I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
