she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
