Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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