that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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