At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
