she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
