last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize