Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
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We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
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You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Come on in and take your pants off
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