I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You can't motorboat a personality
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
