Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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