so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's never too late to be topless.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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