respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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