what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The power of my boobs compel you
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
