it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
