Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
