My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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