Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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