wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
