Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
