I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
