I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
