I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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