WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
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I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
did i walk over a car last night?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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