Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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