I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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