Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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