So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Say something about gay babies.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
