dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
