I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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