That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
