So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
